Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hurt And Sad

I have some wishes and hopes back of my mind that i can never tell to anybody, not even to my partner in life, i am keeping it to myself. I guess i can rant my heartaches here since this is my own journal where i can shout my heart out without annoying someone. Right at this moment i am upset, disappointed and hurt. Although, i have the blessings that i thought i can never have, still there is problem that's beyond my control. I am just a human being that gets hurt, and i am sure everybody does get hurt like me.

It's late night here already, i wanted to go somewhere but i can't. I wanted to scream as loud as i can but i can't or people might wonder why. Sometimes you cannot just simply do the things you wanted to do because it's not gonna work out. Why do i have to feel this way? I shouldn't be like this, i should be grateful for what i have and not thinking of things that makes my heart hurt. I wanted to be happy right now but i can't. I wanted to cry and be with someone who can lend their shoulder for me to cry on, but i have no one with me. The house is so quiet, my family are asleep and i am here wide awake and my mind is so busy thinking a lot of things. I can't help it! I feel like i am about to explode anytime soon. I don't exactly know what i should do. Should i go outside or should i hide? I just don't know....

Thursday, October 29, 2009


I just barely got back from the Asian store and i am a little disappointed because i was not able to buy the veggies that i need for my special recipe this coming Saturday our halloween party with my dear friends. I waited for almost 2 hours for the veggie truck to come to the store from Salt Lake City because the owner said that the truck is on his way there in her store but i waited and waited until i got tired and no truck came still. She felt so bad that i traveled all the way down there which is 30 minutes drive just to have those veggies that i need, but she ran out of stocks.

But anyway, i still got Okra a different kind of vegetables and i love this veggies. I just have to boil it and dip it in a fish sauce (bagoong) with vinegar and diced tomatoes and i am sure my dinner will be all set! Even though i am disappointed of my trip there, i still am glad that i was able to buy some other stuffs. Oh! I think my Okra is ready, better go to the kitchen and will check it so i can have my yummy dinner... See you all later guys and have a goodnight!

By the way, before i forget, you might wanna join my contest. You can read the simple mechanics at my other website at SWEET PARADISE.... Thank you to all who are going to participate and goodluck!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Christmas Trip Plan

Right now i am very excited and anxious. Husby woke me up with hugs and kisses and started to talk about his work vacation. And he mentioned that i might wanted to go somewhere again this coming Christmas holiday since we pretty much traveled the country last year. I was able to meet my co-blogger friends in Texas and in Louisiana. Also i met one of my co-worker before in New Mexico and in Florida.

I guess husby just want me to be happy because he noticed that i have been sad lately thinking about my family back home. He wanted me to unwind and see the rest of the country that i haven't been yet. I just love to travel a lot and so as my husband, we both love it. I sure am lucky that husby is being so thoughtful to me and thinking of things that makes me happy. As of now, we are considering close states like New Mexico or Arizona but that's tentative still, we will plan on it as what husby said. But wherever it is, i am now getting so excited and anxious to travel again!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Happy Happy Me!

I am really happy right now, you wanna know why? It is because another paid blogging is giving me the chance to join their team and gave me the opportunity to make money online once again.... I so miss my income i used to have here in blogging. Paid blogging is really convenient for me because i am a stay home mother of two boys and i cannot afford to lose even a minute of attention for them. I give my full time attention to them and that is my job and responsibility as mother to them. I have seen so many mothers who's working and regretting later on because they were not able to see their own kids growing and they weren't able to discipline them themselves.

It is sad to think that my kids will grow up with my absence because i am working... And i cannot imagine myself that when they are grown, they will not respect me anymore because they grew up without me and not guiding them what's right from wrong... I don't think i can dare leave my kids to baby sitter or to a daycare center. Good thing my oldest one is now at school. School is so much different from baby sitter or to a day care centers. They only take care (not so sure how they do it) the kids but not teaching them good things like what my son learns from his school. He is now learning a lot of things that sometimes amazes me. That's why i am really thankful and very happy now that i can make money once again just by staying home while taking care the needs of my dearest family.

Monday, August 24, 2009

It's Just Hard

I just had another surgery last Thursday. My gall bladder was taken out because it has stone in it and it is not functioning anymore. It wasn't as big as my C-section but it sure is hurting me. I had 4 spots in my tummy aside from my C-section for it is what the doctor called a SCOPE OPERATION. Everyday i am slowly recovering and hoping that i can get back to my daily routine so soon. I have to get better and gain my strength because i have to take care of my kids, especially the newborn one.

I must say that it is indeed hard to give birth and undergone operations without someone who can help. I am missing my mother i guess, i am feeling so depressed right now. I have to take care of my kids and to be fully recovered at the same time, it's just too hard to do it. It is still difficult for me to move around due to my incisions although it is getting better but still i have to be very careful not to move too much or i will feel the pain again. I wonder if i am feeling the post partum depression? I hope i will get over this very soon, i don't like it and it is bad for me to feel depressed i know but how can i get rid of this depression i am feeling right now? Wish my mother is beside me during this time that i need her the most....

Friday, August 14, 2009

Staples Off

We just barely got home from another doctor's appointment. The doctor who did my surgery was the one who took off the staples from my incisions today. And he wants to see me in about four weeks from now. Baby and i have all these doctor's appointments for now, i guess doctors are just making sure that everything will be fine for both of us and there will be no problems to encounter in the future, which is really good.

Anyway, like i mentioned to my other blog Mommy's Gibble Gabbles, my newborn had his circumcision yesterday and i am very glad that he is more calm and feels much better now. He slept pretty much the whole day yesterday, probably was too exhausted of crying too much for his little surgery plus the pokes he had for his blood test. The doctor weighed him yesterday and he is now 10.5 lbs, i must say that he is getting big so fast at only a week from his birth. And next week, i am going to see another doctor, a general surgeon for another surgery i am going to undergo. My newborn will see his pediatrician for his follow up check up as well.

A weeks goes by, we are pretty much busy with all these appointments but i have no complains about it. In fact, i am very happy that everytime we have appointments gets done, they all came up with good results and no problems at all.... So, for now baby and i are both recovering and will recover even more as days goes by...

By the way, just out of curiosity, here is the first picture of my newborn that hospital took, he was just a day old on this. What do you think is the color of his eyes? Can you tell? It sure looks different from his big brother, and i am not hoping for anything though.... We'll see as he grows.... But whatever it is, he will be still the apple of his family's eyes...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The New Addition To The Family

I have had so many reasons why i stopped blogging temporarily. But the main big reason was i was pregnant and it wasn't easy pregnancy for me. As you all know last year i delivered a premature little girl and didn't survived. So when i found out i got pregnant unintentionally, i decided to keep it to the public to restrain myself from possible questions that someone may ask me. I had some close friends whom i truly trusted knows about it but not too many. I would like to apologize to those loyal readers i have here that i have been so quiet for awhile.

But now here i am trying the best that i can to get back on blogging for i am missing this hobby of mine. And first thing first, i am proudly announcing you all my newborn little boy weighed 9.3 lbs and measured 21 inches, arrived last August 3, 2009 in our lives at exactly around 4:28 in the afternoon. He sure is another bundle of joy to us his parents and to his big brother. He is now a week old and getting bigger for sure, a week that is full of happiness and excitement as we spend family time with our new addition to the family.

The story about along my pregnancy will be posted later. So for now, please enjoy these photos and video i created for my new little guy.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Busier Everyday

I know that i have been so lazy to update this blog of mine lately. But you know what? I suppose to share a lot of things but it isn't the right time yet to reveal. I am very excited nowadays that time is getting closer for me to tell you all how happy i am as days goes by. Though i have some small problems here and there but still i am happy knowing that i will be back in blogging in full force very soon. Plus the fact that it is summer now, my son is more active and wants to explore outside than being stuck here inside the house.

Sometimes he calls me "NO FUN MOMMY" for not being so cooperative of what he wants me to do. Like to play with him you know... Sometimes, there are things that i cannot just do, boy's stuff. He would prefer to play with daddy but unfortunately, daddy has to work every weekdays though so he doesn't have much time to spend with his son to play outside with him. But for now, i am trying to cooperate with his fun games that his minds creates. He is very imaginative boy, he likes to pretend things that are not existed, so i just have to support him from his interests because i believe that he will learn more by keep doing it.

I am quite busy lately, preparing things and being with my small family. Also i am hooked up to this farming game in another website that makes me feel stress free. I just feel so bad that i have been so outdated with the blogging lately, and i want to cope up of what i missed here. I hope i will be able to do that very soon.... And to all my loyal visitors, i would like you all to know that your visits are all deeply appreciated by me, and i cannot thank you enough for keep on visiting my blog although there is no update everyday. But i will try my very best to be back in full force soon as i can... So God bless everyone and have a good weekend!!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Horrible Nightmare

It is now quarter to 3:00 o'clock in the morning and i am still awake. I went to bed last night late too, it was like past 11:00 o'clock at night. But before i went to bed i phoned my dear mother over in Philippines to check how is she doing. She said she is trying to be better and she feels so scared and worried about her condition especially now that she is just by herself, no one's with her during at night. I got worried too because she needs company and she must have one at least during at night because she might not feel very good so someone could watch over her. I hang up the phone last night with hurt brain, feeling so helpless and depressed once again for my dear mother because i couldn't do such things for her, how i wish i can right at this very moment but how? I am thousand miles away from her and can't just fly back to her right off due to my situation and also financial issue. As you all know that economy has gone down really bad and everybody are affected about it.

I think i fell asleep around midnight. But horrible nightmare woke me up, it was really a very bad dream for me. I was holding my mother while she was having heart attack. I was trying to wake her up and tell her how much i need her, how much we need her, her kids, but no reply. Her eyes were way up to the top and her mouth were wide open, it looked like i am holding her lifeless. My heart dropped, i had mixed thoughts in my dreams. I was totally confused what to do while looking at my mother lifeless in my arms. It was very painful scene for me to look at. And to think that she was in my arms, lifeless.

I woke up with heavy heart and tears in my eyes. I could hardly breath so i got up and went to the bathroom and finish my crying. I have to let it out because i felt so heavy and it's hard for me to breath. I am pretty much sure you all know what i am trying to say here. I lost my daughter almost a year now and it will be too much for me to see another loved one lifeless in my arms again. My mother is not in a very good condition. She supposed to have heart surgery but honestly i have mixed feelings about it. Forget about financial issue, let's say we her kids can afford the million pesos surgery of hers, she will undergo the very risky operation. If she will surpass it, then after that, what? I have searched through internet or some other people who undergone the same surgery that we are considering for my dear mother. Most of them lived only few years after their surgery and passed away.

That's why we her kids are very much worried about her. We need to talk about it if we really need to have her undergo the heart surgery. We loved her so much but we all know that our life isn't eternal, we have our own perfect time to leave in this world because we don't own our life, we just borrowed it and we all know where it's from and who owns it. My sister told me to prepare my heart for our dear mother but i can't seem to tell it to my stubborn brain that i really have to. It isn't very easy but i need to accept the fact that our dear mother is not getting better and better everyday. I so love her so much, she is been a good mother to us, a very wonderful mother, she has done everything for us her children and we all grew up to be respectful and good citizen. I will thank her until the rest of my life for raising us so well. She is one unique person that deserves to be praised forever.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Quick Update

Maybe you guys are wondering now if i am planning to stop this blogging hobby of mine. Well, this i would assure you, i would never stop blogging as possible as i can. I love blogging but there are times that laziness strikes and nothing to brag about. I have a lot of things that is going on lately but it is not the thing that i would announce here in my website so people would know. I am a private kind of person and if i want to keep the certain things for myself, i would do it and especially if it's too personal to talk about over the net. I am sure you guys know what i am talking about. As of now, i am occupied of so many things and even though i haven't blog everyday, still i would like you guys to keep on dropping by here and i will try to get back at you all soon as i can. Just please bear with me as of now if i can't visit you or do your requests here, i will try to update your links or whatever you want me to do soon as i am back in blogging in full force. And i would like to thank you all loyal readers and droppers here, i truly appreciate your presence, Thank you so much!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Been So Long

It has been so long since i last updated this website. I have so many things to say but i couldn't find exact words to put here so i can tell you all in just a short message how am i doing lately. As for now i will just tell you real quick that i am doing good and happy being with my dear small family. Got some problems with my family back home but i am glad that my mother got out from the hospital and doing better right now. But still, she needs to be transferred to Cebu for her heart operation so she will be totally well with her heart breathing problem.

Anyway, i am very happy today for it is my very special day today. I was born March 04, 1981 and today is my 28th birthday. I am getting old but i would say i am getting smarter as well. Getting smarter to realize things around me and learn more lessons in life. Especially when we talk about being a wife and a mother to my son. I am very happy because i am celebrating my birthday with my dear loved ones and friends, who's always there for me when times i need them most. I am very happy because i can see that i am getting old with progress, fulfilled and most of all, happily married with my ever beloved husband dearie. I could not ask for anything more, GOD has given me all the blessings more than what i am expecting.

I would like to thank you all to my loyal visitors and readers here in my website that keep on visiting me and looking for some updates here. Finally, i am able to blog about what i am up to lately. I maybe not so much around like i used to but i am still updated of who is keep on peeping here and i want to thank you sincerely for that, i truly appreciate it.... Thank you so much!!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Beloved Mother

I have had tough times lately. My niece got sick so bad and good thing that she finally got out from the hospital, she is now better but not totally well. She is still recovering and we are happy about it. But yesterday my sister rushed our mother to the emergency room. She was conscious but very weak when they got there. She said that she felt dizzy for few minutes and almost fell down, good thing the chair beside her caught her, if it didn't she could've fell and things will be worst. I was really surprised when my younger brother chatted with me earlier that they will go back to our hometown because it is emergency, our mother is now in the hospital and fighting with her traitor high blood pressure and her heart problem.

I called my sister earlier and as far as what the doctor said, our mother should be transferred into Cebu which has the bigger hospital that has complete facilities that my mother would need. She will undergo an operation because her heart needs pace maker so she can breath better and if ever she will encounter heart problem again, she won't have difficulty breathing no more because that little machine will help her to breath normally. I cannot do anything right now but to pray hard for her health. I am praying and hoping that i will overcome all these problems i am dealing right now. I know GOD is always here for me and for my loved ones....

Monday, February 9, 2009

What I Am Up To

What's going on co-blogger friends??? I have been so quiet for a long time, am i not? Well, i just had so much things going on lately that even to update my blogs real quick is very difficult for me to do... I so miss blogging but i have no enough time to do all the things at the same time. Anyway, now that i've got a little time, i would like to take this opportunity to thank you all my friends and loyal readers here for keep coming back although i haven't visited you all guys back yet. I will, i am sure to that if i have more extra free time.

Just to let you know what i am up to lately, i am busy quilting and knitting. I have made a lot of scarves already. My friend and i are planning to sell these products that i actually made myself on a very special occasion here soon in our town that is called "PEACH DAY". We are still planning on it, we aren't so sure of our plan yet but who knows? We might do it anyway. I also made cute aprons, and unfortunately i have no photos of these things i mention above yet since i didn't take a picture of them yet. I will show them all to you at my SEWING THATSKIE's blog soon. Also, recently i am busy making the invitation of a baby shower party for my friend. Actually it was her friend who's expecting a baby girl on March but since my friend asked me to help her, i made it for her.

So how about you all guys? What you been up to lately? Hope to hear from you soon, please don't be hesitant to leave your thoughts here, i will be waiting! Thank you!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

American Idol Season 8

American Idol season 8 had just started last Tuesday and Wednesday. This is my most favorite reality show that i always look forward to watch every year. I just can't resist because i see a lot of people who's aiming to be known someday and will be recognized with their amazing talents. Now the American Idol has their new 4th judge which is a very beautiful woman named KARA DIOGUARDI which is sitting next to Randy in this photo above. I thought that the changes that they are talking about is Ryan Seacrest won't be in this season anymore because i heard that he will takes place the Larry King Show, but i guess not! He is still there and as usual, charming and good looking Ryan!

My friends used to tell me why i don't give a try to audition in American Idol. I can sing alright but not as good as those people that judges chose. I am no match to them. I so love to sing but i don't think i am qualified enough to sing in American Idol. And besides i cannot even dare to imagine myself singing in front of the crowd lols! But anyway, i know my friends are just teasing me though. I wish i can but i don't think that is the right path for me to take. 

Busy As A Bee

I am very busy lately, i cannot even find a little time to post even for a real quick update here. I've got a lot of things that i did and it is needed to be prioritized than blogging. I so missed blogging but obviously i cannot serve two masters at the same time, so i have to do the most important thing than updating my blog. I am totally sorry for those who keep on dropping here, to those who's reading my entries and left some sweet thoughts. I would like you to all know that i truly appreciate your presence here and your awesome words that you left here in my website.

Since we got back from a long trip we dealt with a lot of problems and i need to be with hubby most of the time. It is sad to tell you all that hubby is on a furlough right now and he is worried about his job. I must say that there is a worldwide crisis nowadays, it is not just here in United States of America that are cutting off some work, also in other side of the world. I feel so bad about it and i am just hoping that things will be better this year and the economy will be back to what it is suppose to so the people won't have hard times and not going to deal with financial shortage anymore.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Message From My Daughter

When my daughter finally ended her sufferings i was rushed into the emergency room and been there for two hours unconscious. I woke up from being unconscious with the voice of my mother encouraging me not to give up because i still have my dear son and loving husband who needs me. It was not the end of the world but seems like it was when i saw my daughter lifeless at her incubator with tube on her mouth and all the things that are being put for her to survive. She was one tough girl like her mom and she was just not meant to stay here in the world, she is happy where she is at now and i know that. Her not so long of staying here in the world built sweet memories to me and it will be in my heart until the last breath i have.

I took care of her and sent her to funeral homes, then i suddenly heard this very touching song of Martina McBride that made me cry even more. I felt so weak and fell down on the floor. But as i keep listening to this song, it feels like my daughter sent her message through this song for me to understand and let me know that she is proud of me because her mom is one tough mother and can overcome every trials and hardships that comes to her way. Please take some time to listen to this song, this is my favorite song. Thank you!

Friday, January 2, 2009

After All The Holidays

Happy New Year Everyone!!!! How did you celebrate your new year and how was it? For us with my family, we spent our new year at my friend's house and we had a blast! Holidays are definitely over, isn't it? So i suppose that bloggers are going to get back on the track again. I am sure you all will be busy bloggers like me again. So anyway, we got back from our long trip last 30th of December and it was very late. Then i prepared some food on the 31st to bring to my friend's house and we went there about 8:30 in the evening and we stayed just right after midnight. We slept the whole day yesterday to regain some energy from the long trip we had and also for staying up so late on new year's eve.

My family and i had so much fun being with our dear friends. We enjoyed even more this year compared last year because it wasn't that crowded like it was last time. There was only four families in there including us, so it was more fun because it was not so busy. And here some of the pictures of me being with my friends during our new year's eve.