Thursday, November 13, 2008

Two Days Before She Left Me

I was debating myself between whether i post this video or better not. I have been depressed lately no matter how i tried to divert my attention from other things so to keep me busy and occupied. Every time hubby is away (at work), i am always being left alone. I cannot talk to my young son, for he cannot understand what i am feeling right now. Still, the deep wound in my heart is so fresh and it hurts so bad. Every time i view all the photos of my daughter i cannot help but to cry and wishing she is here with us now. I can't just put in my mind that she is happy now where she's at. Yes i agree that but i can't seem to overcome this feeling inside me, my emotions is eating me and i feel like i am drowning, i am trying to let go and get over this but my mind is too dull to understand all that.

This video i have here was taken two days before she passed away. She got bad already, she was mottling, her skin gotten dark, had some red spots and her breathing was not good anymore. In short she was in a bad shape on this video and i took this because i felt deep inside me that she is not going to survive the battle, but was still hoping she would but she didn't. I am thankful i had this video as my remembrance, though she is not with us no more but i still have this video that always reminds me how beautiful my daughter is and of course her memory will be in my heart forever.

70 comments:

""rare*jonRez"" said...

ahhhh darl this is so sad, if not the saddest. watching pretty deane's final days is incomparably tough. i don't know what best way to console you because even i myself am crying while watching this video. si jonathan niapil ug tan-aw unya na teary-eyed pud sya. sayang kaayo si baby nga klaro raba kaayo unsa ka tough iyang fight oi. she understood when u wanted her to open her eyes. she even held ur finger so tight. ahhh... that was enough reason to have u felt the longing of having her darl. again, i don't know how to console u but i hope and pray for more strength and courage to keep you going. let those memories nalang inspire u for good darl. i am sure they are wonderful remembrance, though sad.

thanks for sharing this video darl. take care!

Sweetiepie said...

I am sorry to hear all of this….I was teary eyed after reading your post and watching the video. It`s very sad, but like you said she happy where she is right now. She is an Angel! Your baby knows how much you care and love her. I feel your pain, and am really crying hard. I know what you been through, although I never have a baby yet, but I know how hard it is. I just don’t want to go into details, its very painful but is one of my siblings when she was only a few months she passed away.

texas_sweetie said...

ni dagayday ang mga kaluhaan sa pobreng uyamot mamu before pa gani ni open sa eyes si baby Deanne. smart ug pretty baby jud siya. sos ko ang mga gagmayng mga tudlo sa bata intawn telling her mommy nga "I LOVE YOU MOMMY AND I FEEL YOUR WARM LOVE AND TENDER CARE!"

sakitan kaayo ko mamu grabi naning pagkulata nimo sa akong balatian!

Pamela said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. She was soooooo beautiful and now she is pure love without a body. You will always have her in your heart. Take care of yourself, sweetie.

Merydith said...

Darl sos natuk-an jud ko. Gahilak sad ko nga ga tan-aw. Naka remember sad ko ni Kiko nga naa sa incubator. I can't barely stand watching him how much more for you to see her go. I wish I can give you a hug right now. Take care and please remember that a lot of people love you.

Haze said...

Oh Darl's I may not be connected to the baby in any ways but I felt so saddened of her loss. Watching this video made me tear-eyed. How sad! Whenever I see young children or infant dying it always break my heart. I can stop but to cry. She is beautiful and way too young to be on that position. But God knows what he was doing after all. I am soo sorry! This video is too heartbreaking.

mjsterling said...

while watching this video I can't stop my tears from falling... I know until now ur still adjusting for the loss of ur adorable baby...but you have to be strong and just pray that you will get over the pain and the heartaches...just always remember that I am always here...I am just a click away...mwuaaahugs!

Haze said...

Hala Darl's uy as in kasakit sa akong dughan nag tan-aw ani nga video. Luoy kaau sya nihilak pa jud cya ug nibuka-buka pa yaha mga eyes. then nikupot pa gyud cya nimo. It must be the hardest thing for you especially when you can't give her cuddle in the worst minutes in her life. Keep praying for more strength! Dili jud lalim.

Nancy said...

awwww i did cry,watching this video,its really sad,heartbreaking,i feel you sis.im sure shes happy now.Thnx for sharing.Take care and Always God bless

janeser28 said...

oh my!!!i am crying now.I hope your ok now.don't worry your angel is now with lord.Just be strong and thank you for sharing this.

Amy Lilley Designs said...

I have to say that this is so deeply heartbreaking...I cannot imagine the loss...she was such a beautiful little angel...I pray that you feel that comfort and love from the Lord, knowing that His grace is TRULY sufficient...bless you and your beautiful family...

Amy

Pinay WAHM said...

Hi Mommy Darlene....

Thanks for sharing her video with us. She's indeed your little angel. Just keep praying. I will continue including you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Big Hugs....

Mommy J

Nicole said...

There are no words--I am deeply sorry for your loss... You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Darlyn said...

ellow ate darl.
maybe this could help you..
a priest says bakit daw tau iiyak every time na meron mag gone away...? YEs we love our family, friends, but how about God in heaven? Did God don't love your daughter..? if we want to provide everything sa family natin.. God offer his life for us.. just moved on (lam ko mahirap) pero your baby girl is so happy kung saan man xa now.. tayo dami pa nating struggles na maeexperience so thankful nlng tau dahil di na un mararansan ng baby mo. Cast all your burdens to God.. later on marealize mo din it happens for a reason.. take care... we are here for you.:D

Mimi said...

Hello Dar! I can't stop crying here after watching your baby's video especially when you asked her to open her eyes and she did opened it. She really loves you. She is such a very beautiful baby. She will always be watching over you. Thanks for sharing this video. You are a strong Mama! God bless your heart always. Take care.

sugarbabes said...

Darl oi, looy baya nakahilak ko..dako baya sya nga baby no! maau ra imong gi vedeohan aron sad naa kay remembrance niya, im sure shes happy now wherever she maybe. looy kaau si prencess as in gyud..ingat diha always girl lig-ona imong kaugalingon naapa imo MD and Marlowe. so take care always.. were here for you..

Mrs Mecomber said...

You are in my prayers. You will see her again. God bless you and stay strong. ((((hugs))))

veta said...

i can't dare to watch the video. tears are falling na..not good to watch a video pagpuno na ng luha ang mga mata

Cindy said...

Deepest condolences from me and Kyra. Please be strong and may god bless you and your family...

Kriscell said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. God bless you.

Utah Mommy said...

I am not going to mention each one of you who left warm thoughts here. I would like you to know all of you that i truly appreciate it. God bless your hearts and thank you so much for your very comforting words, even though i lost my child but i know i am still blessed for having such a loving husband and an adorable son and of course a thoughtful friends. Thank you once again.

Twerlyn said...

Sabay mi nitan-aw ni bana ug hilom mi pareho after watching the video..dugay2x sad na hilom ra mi..after few minutes na naka recover mi sa among gibati, pareho mi gihunahuna..na dili dapat mamatay ang mga baby bag-o panganak oi..ambot Darl basta kay wala jud ko kasabot ngano kinahanglan matabo na sa mga babies..sakit jud Darl oi,sakitan jud bisag kinsa ang mutana-aw. Sorry kaau.. Ang sa Ibabaw lang jud ang kabalo sa reason. Akoa Cia pangutan-on someday ug ngano aron ma enlighten sad ko. Basta daghan ko ipangutana sa Ginoo aron makuha nako ang exact na tubag. But first, i-judge sa ko Niya..Take care always Darl..

Chic Gal said...

Words cannot express how deeply saddened I was reading your post and watching your video. You are a very brave mommie. Your daughter was beautiful and will forever be your angel. She is watching over you and will always be there for you.

Kirhat said...

Oh man! I'm really sorry about this. I just can't imagine the pain you're going through. This is very very sad. Even if she is not with us now, I will pray for her and for all the babies who needs help.

Kirhat

Seek No More
PolitEkon

Texas Wanderer said...

Ah, that is so sad. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Mars said...

This is too painful to watch. My prayers are with you so that you will be fully healed by the pain of losing a child.

TommyClaire said...

I sorry to hear this MOmmy Darlz, it breaks our heart. I know its must be hard for the family but I know it happens for a reason... whatever it is, God knows and God looks after her.. keep the strength. I will keep you in my prayers:)

ging-ging said...

I'm so sorry about this. I believe there's nothing more painful than losing a child. Hang in there, (((hugs))).

carmie said...

I could imagine how sad it is to lose your baby girl. She looks so pretty.
Hang on God is with you.

LadyJava said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you feel after carrying her with you for 9 mths and though time heals I'm sure you would always remember the last day she's with you.

Please accept my condolence. Mourn if you must for I believe you will find it very difficult to move on if you don't... sometimes you don't need to strong all the time ...

Hugs
LadyJava

gLoR!e said...

mam wala ko ni watch sa video kay mo hilak man jud ko for sure..i saw her how she fought to survive but she needed to be with God..

Butchay said...

Gi stop nako darlene oi, just a few seconds from the video I can't stand watching it...gabaha dayon akoang luha. I feel so bad for your loss. Kaya mo yan, maybe not now but I know soon.

Mariuca said...

Hi dear! I am so sorry for ur loss, and am bringing u loads of love and hugs to help lessen the pain! :)

Amy said...

madame, sorry to hear about it. she's such a cute little angel.. nitulo ako luha viewing the video.

Mira said...

This is tough to watch! I feel sorry for your baby attached to a tube. I wish she was able to make it. But I'm sure you have an angel watching over you. Take care.

joytoy said...

nakahilak gyod ko nagtanaw sa imo baby. i know love ka nya the way she hold your hand. i know nga happy na cya karon kay angel man cya. grabi nimo ka brave dai bilib ko. just pray always.

LIFE,MARRIAGE AND KIDS said...

my heart really aches for you. She did try to survive but i guess her body was still weak. You have a little angel up in heaven watching over you guys... i dont know if i could watch the whole video.its to painful for me to watch it.i can only imagine what you are feeling.

Ritchiela Anyi said...

I can't help but blame myself too Darl for the loss we had...I kept the scan for my baby who passed away,so mao to maghilak pod ko sahay.Pero napa man daghan chance sa?himo nalang pod ta balik.

PaulsHealthblog.com said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this tough time.

Now, though, your daughter is in a much better place.

May God bless you.

Lanie said...

Hi Darl, My heartfelt condolence to you and your hubby and family.I didn't know that you lost a precious daughter. I 'm sorry to hear to sad news. She is healthy baby. Did you know back then when you were pregnant about the complication going to happened like this. Your know what it is better for you shared the story rather than keeping to yourself. It help a little, but your daugther angel will be watching you and your husband. hugs

texas_sweetie said...

nibalik pa jud ko mamu kay nag anam man kadaghan sa imong comments oi nya reading all 40 comments(so far) makes me teary-eyed napud.

dili nalang jud ko mo tan aw balik sa video kay magbakho lang ko inig human though it's still fresh in my mind since I watched it yesterday. ako patan awn ako bana sa video d pud mo dare kay kahibalo na siya sa story nganu kuno mo tan aw pa siya TORTURE lang kuno kaayo niya.

P.S Be strong mamu, dili lang ikaw nagdalamhati sa imong baby girl, apil ako kami.. look at all these people who left their comforting words to you.. apil sila tanan ug pakigdait hilak nimo!

TC said...

This saddened me so much that could not bare to even watch the video. I have a dear friend who is going through what would have been the 1st birthday of her son who was with her for only two weeks. I hurt for you both. Although I have never been through this pain, I can only imagine how hard it is.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter with us. Be strong. - Teresa

Sam said...

Hi Darlene,

Sorry to hear this... I hope you'll be able to cope up. I empathize you. I couldn't imagine myself if that situation happens to me.

Cheer up Mommy Darlene!!!


Show Me Your Interest

Shabem® said...

Sweet kaayo tong migunit cya nimo Darlz very tight pa gyud kaayo.
Na touched gyud ko while watching. I got teary-eyed pod! What a precious little one.
I will pray for you!

wifetoalineman02 said...

Darlene,
wa ka kaila nako. pero I always read your post. omg! grabe akong luha nga gitulo diretso samtang nagtan-aw sa video ni bb Deane. hangin there and we all know she is good hands with the angels surrounded her.

Regards,
jessica

drelle_mora said...

hi darlene! so sorry for your loss... prayers to you, your family and ofcourse your little angel.

Lou said...

I'm sorry to hear about this...She's all with the angels in heaven...

Dolly's Diary said...

Darlene
I am so sorry for your loss, I don't think I can even watch the video, the picture breaks my heart beyond belief. I will pray for your healing to begin, be patient with yourself it will come. I lost both my mother and mother in law this year and somedays the grief hits harder than others. It'a all part of our journey through the grief.
Take Care,
Janet:)

chronic chick said...

So sorry for your loss. No mother should lose their child. Its heart wrenching. She's an angel in heaven looking over you and your family.

God Bless you and your family

Lisa said...

Darl so sorry to hear about your experience, it's really hurt. Just watching the video with my hubby both of us poured our tears down. I can tell that your baby heard you talking to her, the way she reacted with you. Our prayers are with you and your daughter who is in Heaven now.

Laura-Junkfoodaholic.com said...

Darlene, This post about your daughter is truly heartbreaking. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. All I can say (and you already know this) is that your daughter is in heaven and you will see her again someday. The saying, "Time heals all wounds" is true and in time you will have joy in your heart again. I pray God's love and peace to fill your heart and that He comfort you at this difficult time.

twinks said...

MOmmy Darl,
Hala ka oi...nghuot akong dughan ng tan-aw sa video.. I admire your toughness and strength mummy Darl. Dili jud sayon imong naagian bag-o lang. Hope you're feeling better now. Thanks for sharing this memorable and precious video with us.

Jerla Oh lalala said...

wa gyud nko napugong akong luha ug ka tulo.... ng sakit akong dughan! Be strong nlng mommy lene kay at least wla na cya ng suffer sa kasakit. I will pray for your recovery...

dodong flores said...

Hi, Darlene. I'm so sorry upon hearing this. I don't know what to say. I just wish you'll recover the heartache in time.

Marie said...

aww.. im sorry to hear about your loss. :(
Always remember that everything happens for a reason.

Hope you will better soon.

Renz said...

Hi,
I can only imagine how you felt and still feel. I can't even finish the whole video. I had to stop. It hurts so much.

God will heal you in His time.

Take care.

SHIELA said...

me and my kids watched it and made us sad :(

she fighted for her life as we can see in the video. even in her difficult situition she tried to open her eyes and hold your hand.
i saw a lot of people died and dying but with this situition a beautiful child esp. your own will really make you deppress but that's the process darl and it will take long before you can recover from your loss. just hold on. remember you have another one and a loving husband to support you. and also us. remember naa ra mi sa kilid2x. we can't hug you and talk to you personally but we can give you comforting words.

take care always.

Gles said...

i felt so sorry about your loss, just be strong and pray! i can't help my tears while watching this video. it really breaks my heart, it looks like she can really understand you and by holding your finger she really wants to let you know that she wants to hold on to and fight.She's an angel watching over you now! Be strong!

Mizé said...

Hi.
After reading your post I just didn´t have the courage to watch the video. I´m so sorry for your loss, I have a daughter and can´t imagine the pain of loosing her. It´s an empty space that remains in your heart.
Need to be strong and think she´s Ok where she is.
Mizé.

Sue said...

Hi! I stop by your blog once a while and was shocked when you suddenly deleted your daughter's photos..
I'm so sorry for your loss..be strong and good things will come your way. What was wrong with her? At least she is no longer suffering...think positively...it is alright to mourn but don't forget the living...
Take care..you are still young..

Raquel said...

Aw, I can't say anything. It breaks my heart to think how healthy your baby looks.

Wendy Lopez-Redaon said...

hi darlene,

I cannot imagine myself losing a child. I am so sorry about what happened to your daughter. Its totally okay to still be grieving. Give yourself time. I know you must really be hurting. Nevertheless, I am sure your baby is in a better place now =)

irish daisies said...

i'm so sorry for your loss.

Rena said...

Aww Darlene this is so sad and heart breaking to see your little angel trying to fight back. She was listening to you and letting you know she loves you too by responding to your instructions and holding your finger tight. I can't stop crying, I used all the kleenex next to me. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to loss a child but you deserve a pat on the back for being so strong.

Miah Laborte said...

i hope u will be feeling better as each day goes, condolence...

Bless said...

Hi Mommy Darl, I feel your pain. I cried when I was watching the video. You have now a beautiful angel watching over you. Always remember that we are here praying for you and your family. Lots of hugs.

christina said...

i'm so teary eyed while watching the video. I'm a mother too and I knew how you felt.. but everything in this world happens for a reason only God knows. He wont give us burdens we cannot bear.

JeSseL said...

KASAKIT SA AKONG DUGHAN WHILE WATCHING THIS VIDEO..I COULD HARDLY SEE THE ENTIRE VIDEO BCOS OF MY TEARY EYES..I AM TRULY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. SHES VERY PRETTY AND ADORABLE, ITS AMAZING HOW SHE UNDERSTAND YOU WHEN YOU ARE ASKING HER TO OPEN HER EYES AND HELD YOUR HAND..DONT WORRY MOMMY SHES WITH GOD NOW..I KNOW HOW HARD TO MOVE ON BUT JUST KEEP UP YOUR FAITH AND I WILL INCLUDE YOU IN MY PRAYERS..

Maus said...

Godbless you darlene!
she is now with the lord.
but still nakakalungkot...
im sure she looking and guarding all of you, She's an angell now!

Anonymous said...

omg! nagulat ko d2 sa post mo.. now ko lng ulit navisit tong blog mo. nalala ko nun last comment ko sau nung malapit kna manganak. kala ko nkauwi ka kasama baby mo. sorry for ur loss.. grabeh, kinilabutan ako habang nanunuod sa vids. i know the feeling paano mawalan ng mahal sa buhay... masakit kung sa masakit.. pero ganun po cguro tlga ang buhay.. everything happen for a reason..

God Bless ur family..