Thursday, December 11, 2008

I Am Over It

This was my little Deanne from the very day she was out from my tummy. I still can remember how lovely she was the first time i saw her, she was just like her big brother, they look so much a like when my son was born. I shed so much tears and felt unexplainable pain in my heart the day she left me. I was unable to let my life function like it was before, because of her, she left me. I tried to cheer myself up but it wasn't the same as before i had her.

But last night she talked to me in my dreams. She told me not to be sad anymore because she is now happy and she loves the place where she at right now. She is well taken cared of and have so many friends around her. She also told me that i didn't lost her, she will always be with her family no matter what. She was begging me not to be sad and let her go. She cannot just simply be happy knowing i am still grieving here. I woke up with tears in my eyes. Tears of joy, that finally i was able to talk to my little lady and got everything cleared up for me. She said that i don't have to blame myself for what had happened to her because there was a reason for it. She also told me that i have to count my blessings because that is more important than counting what i lost. She said i still have her Dad and kuya MD to take care of, and they need me most than her.

Right now, i am telling myself that my daughter is right. She is indeed happy to where she is at now. And i am letting her go because that's what makes her happy. She is assuring me that i will be happy and more blessings will come my way, even better blessings that i won't expect to have. I am very happy now that finally, i am getting over the pain and enjoy what life has to offer me. I am getting over it, getting over the pain for losing my child even though not totally but i know deep in my heart that i am well, happy and have peace of mind.

24 comments:

""rare*jonRez"" said...

oh this is good for you darl. i am glad you are finally on the right way of not holding her anymore. :)

good luck then! and i'm just right here, a buzz away, if you need me. :)

signe said...

I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose a child...I'm so glad you've found some peace! I definitely believe in life after death and I'm sure she's fine, just like she told you in your dream :)

mjsterling said...

mamu imo ko gipa hilak...but I am very happy that your finally over it....I know that it was not easy for you..pero mao lagi sama sa gi ingon sa imong damgo nga Deanne is happy sa iyang nahimutangan karon...mwaaah!

Merydith said...

I am glad that you are moving on. Things will be ok. You have an angel watching over you now who loves you so dearly.

attygnorris said...

I didn't know what to expect when I saw the picture of your angel. I thought maybe your were going to say something about how time flies or some other common blog post. I cried throughout your touching story. I can't imagine how hard it has been for you, but am so glad you have found the strength to move past the pain. My thoughts are with you.

Davida

SHIELA said...

you saw her on your dreams to let you know and to make you realized that you have a lot of things to be grateful.

i hope and pray everything will be fine according to your plan.

take care mommy darl.

Lanie said...

I am glad your get over it Darl, she will be watching you and your family whenever you go.
I still don't know what happened really to your baby.

Ritchiela Anyi said...

Daku man jud to siya Darl noh? mao gyud let her go basin naa pa daghan little girls moabot,give it a try nalang pod soon.

Umma said...

I was so touched by your story Mommy Darlene. i wasnt aware of the story about your beloved daughter...

Indeed it is painful to lose a loved ones.. But Im glad that you decided to move on with your life... thats good to think positive, it brings more great aura in your face and blessings will just pour without you knowing it.

Take care.

Nicole said...

You are so brave--I cannot imagine the pain that you must feel--but she will always be with you and you with her...

You are a very loving person; that shines through in the blogs that you write. Please take care of yourself, too.

I am glad that you are finding some peace in your circumstance... I will keep you in my prayers--

simplyjacy said...

what you have gone through is difficult to fathom. i'm glad that youa re able to get over the feeling of pain, guilt and grief. your 'lil girl will always be with you especially that you keep her in your heart.

www.simplyjacy.com

Raquel said...

I know the pain is still there but you need to let go. Is it the right time to conceive again?

momgen said...

Oh thank God you let it go already. Life must go on and there is a purpose why things happened. God bless. She is lovely.

Momstart said...

That is amazing, and that is all I can say without crying.

Babs (Beetle) said...

It's been a very touching night for me tonight. This is the third post that has made me feel very sad.

I don't know your situation, but I am very pleased that you took a huge step forward, following your dream.

Bless you.

Pinay WAHM said...

God Bless You Mommy Darlene!! I'm sure your little angel is looking down from heaven smiling at you....


Mommy J

Raquel said...

Hi Darlene, meron na akong reply sa comment ko. Just go back in my blog nalang ha. Gumamit ka na ng paypal. Kahit 1,000 dollars pa ipapadala mo ay walang bayad. just read my reply nalang for more info.

Raquel said...

Btw, got a teary eyes again of what happened with your daughter. Unsa kaha kung ako ang nahitabuan. Himsog jud sya tan-awon og ga pink2x lang iyang skin.

Joy said...

Thanks For sharing!!!!! I a hopingthat you wll have closure now... Talking about and sharing is also one good way of letting it go...

Its hard and I commend you for posting about your feelings!!!!

Take care of yourself ...

Utah Mommy said...

Thank you to all of you so much for stopping by and leaving your footprints. I truly appreciate your warm thoughts. She deserves to be happy and i am letting her go she will be totally at peace where she's at.

Jade said...

This is my first time here. This is very sad but I am glad you are moving on. I know how it feels to lose someone.

OH-DIVA said...

omg sis I didnt even know na nawala ang baby mo omg i'm so sad...hinihintay ko pa naman pagbalik nyo sa utah...how is hubby and your son taking it? ok ka na ba sis? nalungkot naman ako hayyyyy

Michelle said...

oh my, this post made me teary-eyed. it's good that your little girl talked to you in your dream. what she told you in your dream is very touching and strong. i'm really happy for you. i think that's a good christmas gift... to have peace of mind before this year ends. :)

merry christmas to you and your family! :)

Vk-mahalkaayo said...

hi darlene,

i am sorry.........

i am happy of you, you are strong...

God loves you.......


take care
friend,

vk