Thursday, December 4, 2008

Pouring My Emotions

I was spanked when i was just a little girl and i turned out to be a fine person, God fearing, respectful and a loving kind. This issue had started at my son's blog and until now it bothers me so much. Now that i am a mother, i am trying to be a best mother as i can like how my mother raised me. She is firm yet loving kind to us her children. She punish us every time we are not minding her and we are beyond the limit, she then explains us why we got spanked. And i love her even more now because i realized that she did all that for me to be one good person today. She taught me how respect others and to be an open minded to everyone.

I love to hear others's opinions but not to the point of hurting my feelings and sounding like i am a bad mother. Some people just jumps into conclusions right away without even knowing the person that they are being judged. If i don't know that certain person, i don't certainly judge, or even if i know the person so well i still have no right to judge because i myself is not perfect. If someone told me that she or he is a bad person then i wanna know her/his side as well. It is not because someone told me that he or she is a bad person i will believe to that person right away, i want to hear both sides for me to realize who is telling the truth. I make my own realization not depending on what someone else's said. I am being so real here because i got very upset with these very judgemental people that came across to my website and leaving not so pleasant words.

Like i said, i am doing what i think is best and effective for my son and i am doing it because there is a reason. I spank him, afterwards i explain to him why, then we will hug each other telling him that i don't want him to do such things that is not right. In that way, i see my son learning from his mistakes and seeing him not hating me because he knows that i did it to him because i don't want him to be put in the most worst situation like what happened to him almost 2 years ago that he burned his finger because he didn't listen and mind me. He was very fascinated with the glaring fire and thought it won't hurt him but it did and he screamed and cried so hard. As a mother, i felt bad. Also there is one time he went outside without me knowing it, he sneaked at the back door and too late that i found out he was on the loose.

I love my son so much and i know every mothers in the world feels the same way for their children. So please stop judging me for you don't know me personally at all. You don't even have no idea how my parents brought me up, so please do your motherhood your own way and i will do mine that i think is best for my child. This is indeed a very delicate issue to talk about, and i don't try to interfere every mother's opinion because that is their way and i got my own way as well. I just realized that it's the people by nature for being judgemental to someone, even though they finished a high degree course if that is what they are, then it will come out by nature. I am putting an end to this issue and i hope that these judgemental people will leave me alone. I don't judge you because i don't know who you are and what kind of upbringing you apply to your kids and like i said i respect every mothers so please do the same way to me.


attygnorris said...

I find spanking to be an unavoidable, controversial, and subjective topic in parenting. My thoughts on this are too vast to enter as a short comment here. I blogged about my ideas on spanking on Sept. 19th. I don't know if you will allow me to post the link, but here it is:
If you decide to delete the link, but are interested in reading my post, the title of it is "Creative Enough To Avoid Spanking Your Children?" I think the title may summarize for you that I feel creative punishment, although not the most convenient, is better. I was spanked as a child and am doing my best to be more creative in disciplining my own. I don't judge people who spank, as everyone has to decide what is best for his or her household.


Merydith said...

In the end Darl kong maunsa man si MD later in life ikaw ra man sad gihapon ang mo deal ana, not other mothers so do what you think is best. You already have gone through a lot from losing baby Deanne so enough na. It is not worth it to be so worked up about this.

sugarbabes said...

Yup i agree to you Darl "No one but God has the right" to judge a person's lifestly. Take it easy girl..Enjoy your day umhwhahhah!!!

Lanie said...

ipabasa ni nila Darl para kasabot sila.

veta said...

I was spanked by my parents also (though im not married yet)but i think what they did was just right for me bec i learned so much from it.
I experienced misjudgement also. i felt bad upon hearing it. "sino sila para pagsabihan ako ng ganyan?they dont know me so well!" this is my ever sentemental line.

hahahay meron siguro mga taong ganyan, anuh?
Goodluck nalang sa kanila.

gengen said...

I spanked my son especially that he will do as he pleased. Hubby will spank my son if he did something that is not right. Some parents don't want to spank but look at their kids. Hmmm i am spanked when i was young since very tiny kid until high school my parents spanked me and I realized that was for my own good. All my brothers and sisters are spanked too and everybody are turned into a good person. If whoever judge you being not a good mother maybe that person is one not good mom. Hhehe don't mind them igsoon do what is best for your son and you will have a reward at the end. We have the right to discipline our kid to be a better one someday. Anyway, i want to cheer you up with my Christmas award...

The award is here said...

Disciplining a child is a sensitive issue. Arguments about it can go on forever. One form of child discipline varies from one family to the other; what works for them, may not work for me. I was spanked as a child, too. Bakus, tsinelas, tingting sa iba, those staffs. Kusi pa gani. They were painful, yes, and I told myself to not spank my child when I have one.

When I got older and see mothers slap their child, I tell myself I'll never do it to my own. But now that I am a mother, I also spank my child if he's being too much. But I don't spank him in public. However, I vary my form of discipline. Sometimes I send him to time out, which by the way is too much for my son to handle than spanking. Weird, eh?

Bitaw, you know what's best for your child. If you know that your child knows and understands why you've done it (spanking), he'll understand it better when he gets older.

Anyhow, just dropped by and I think I might come visit again next time. =)

Mimi said...

Hello Dar! I see where you're coming from and I really understand you. I too spanked my child but I honestly felt bad after I did that and sometimes its so hard for me to forgive myself. Like you, I never spanked my child really hard but it still hurts her and it really break my heart when she cried ( she usually run to the bathroom and hide in there). When I tried to say sorry to her, she'll say, "Mommy please get out". That is so heartbreaking to me because I really felt how she was hurt emotionally too. From that time on, I promise to myself that I will never spanked her anymore. When I was a child, I was spanked too and although it makes me become an obedient child but on the negative side, it also affect my relationship with them. I had so much fears to them that caused us not to have a close relationship with each other. For example, I am so hesitant to tell them how much I love them or give them a hug, etc. Since I become a parent, I learned a big lessons in life from my parents and I will never allow that to happen to my own child. I want to develop a very loving relationship with my child. I want to be not just a parent-child relationship but also the best of friends.

I agree with you about kids here in America though. Parents never spanked them but they grow up to be really rude. I guess if their parents are more strict to them, I guess they will grow up to be good kids. Just like my husband, his first daughter was rude to the max! She grew up to be loved and pampered and all that but look at her now, she doesn't have any manners and right conduct. To be honest, my husband said that if it is not illegal to hit her, he will definitely do that because she is just uncontrollable! There was a time when she hit my husband with a chair and wished him dead. How horrible! Now, the question is, "can a child be put to jail for hitting the parents?" Is there a law for that? By the way, my husband's first child is now a teenager.