Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Is It Legal or Illegal???

I have a post in my son's website about his potty training that has title He Made It!. Of course as a mother, i would be proud to tell the whole world of every accomplishments of my son, like he is now finally potty trained. We don't have to buy him big bags of diaper or pull ups anymore. But there's one thing i mentioned in there in my post that sometimes i SPANK my son because sometimes he tried to hold it and doesn't want to go to potty. Some commented that my son will be so mad when he grow up and sees his pictures that i posted, so i answered their comments that i am sure my son won't be mad at me.

Keeping his childhood pictures just like those pictures that i posted, is part of his growing. And he will be smart enough to understand that i am just telling the whole world the accomplishment he just did. And there was one blogger commented and seems like she is invading my right for being a mother to my son. She is trying to insist that i should not SPANK my son because it can cause conflicts to his feelings and it is ILLEGAL. I know what i am doing, as long as i am not putting some bruises or cuts to my son's body then i am not harming him, and i don't think that spanking your child is ILLEGAL, maybe in her country it is. She is trying to tell me that i should let my son do what he wants to do, in short to be free like CRAZY.

Well, as for my opinion, it doesn't go that way. Child has to be guided by the parents because they don't know what is RIGHT from WRONG yet, they don't know if they are doing the right thing or not because they have no idea of everything that is going on here in our cruel world. And if a child doesn't listen after few times you attempt to tell him not to do such things, then parents should do something about it so the child will realize that you really mean to stop what he was doing (bad things or for being stubborn). I spank my son just for him to realize that he did something wrong, and of course after his punishment i will explain it to him what mistake did he do for him to learn not to do it again. I love my son so much and i think every mother loves their children. I don't want my son to be a spoiled brat and wild when he grow up.

I want him to be a good example to his friends, to the society we live in and to every people he meets. I want him to practice the Filipino traits, good manners, and proper behavior. For i strongly believed that Filipinos are very affectionate and loving kind. I don't intent no harm for my dear young man. And i better spank him now than to regret later on that i didn't discipline him. So if you are a mother like me, would you rather spank you child for him to realize his mistakes or let him go what he wants and regret later?


Jennielee said...

I am not sure where you are living but in the state of Pennsylvania where I am it is not illegal to spank your child with an open hand. It is illegal to hit a child with a closed fist or any object besides your hand.

Also my mother has pictures of me potty training and I am not angry about it although I wouldn't be very happy if she framed them and put them up in her dinging room. (she did that with a picture of me shaving my legs for the first time!)

SHIELA said...

ako darl dili bunal...kusi :) yes child should be disciplined but in a right way. spanking is ok but not when somebody see it. basin ma bantay bata ta :)

bingkee said...

I will spank my child ...and you are right here. Don't let these people affect what you think is right. Mao nang daghan mga suwail diri sa Amerika nga bata kay dili nila ginabunalan ilang anak.

Mommyto2 said...

Every parent does their best to give their child the best "start" in life by teaching them right from wrong. Children who are NOT spanked are not automatically spoiled, nor do they act crazy. I do not spank my children and do not feel it has any worth. Discipline can be achieved without using physical power.
Every parent must do what they feel is best and for ME, spanking is not an option.

Mizé said...

Ok. This time I will join this conversation, I wasn´t asked to but I will.
Spanking is not only ilegal (in my country) but it´s worthless when you want to show someone you love her. A spanked child will eventually develop dual feelings and when he grows up, he´s going to belive the same you do, that beating up is Ok. Then, when he encounters a problem that he doesn´t know how to handle he´ll be agreessive.
Beating isn´t problem solving, isn´t assertive, and develops serious problems in kids.
I´m totally with Laane on this and I´m in shock to know that others consider this an option, these people should all read some child development books. If you´re in US, check out Dr. Brezelton´s books, or just visit Dr. Phill website, he´s very famous there.
A good Wednesday.

Utah Mommy said...

Hello Everyone,

First of all, i would like to thank you for taking some time to read this entry of mine and leaving some thoughts.

I just concluded that indeed, every country has different ways of how to raise and discipline the child. In my country where i was born and grew up, spanking is legal as long as you are not beating up your child. Beating up is way different from spank, and abuse is also way different from disciplining.

And to spank, is not teaching the kids to be rebellious or to be aggressive. Every time i punish my son with my open hand, i make sure that he understands why i did it to him. And every time he made mistakes i try not to, but if there are time that i really need to do so for him to mind me.

I read an article about people's mind that just can't simply understand the word "NO". And mostly kids are like that, they will keep asking you WHY.

A very good example is if ever your child slaps you unexpectedly, what would be your reaction? If i am going to answer this, of course i will do the same thing to him for him to realize that what he just did to me does hurt. And i will ask him if it hurts, and of course he will say yes. Then i will tell him not to do it again because it hurts and he know how it feels to be slapped already. Well, this is just an example.

And one more example, like i said, a kid can't just simply understand the word "NO". Just like my son before, he almost got an accident, i was cooking a soup and keep telling him not to get near to the stove so he won't get hurt, keep saying NO but he didn't mind me. What he did was he stick his hand to the fire because he has no idea what it was, then his finger got burned. Of course i felt so bad that time.

Now, my question is would you rather spank your son than to get an accident? My son could've hurt so bad, the soup could've poured into his poor tiny body.

So i would say that mothers has different ways of discipling the child and sometimes you've got to let the child feel that he will get hurt even worse if he will insist.

Kano said...

T. Berry Brazelton is the biggest quack in this country, and is at the HEART of the problem we face here with disrespectful and unruly kids. Currently 1 out of 5 have personality problems. During the time when it was still common to spank kids, we didn't have school shootings like we do now. The situation here has gotten completely out of control, and parents are no longer able to properly raise their kids. T. Berry is the one raising them and look at what has happened! I have the utmost respect for countries like the Philippines where parents can still raise their kids properly, although the western influence is taking hold over there as well and I see the same thing happening, only that they are not too far behind us. What a shame. I believe children know the difference between loving discipline and abuse. The statistics show that the WORST kids are the children of Psychologists (like T. Berry and Laane), so what does that tell you? It all comes down to ONE thing, any thinking outside of what the bible teaches, leads to failure.

Mee2 said...

I live in Colorado, USA. It is not illegal to spank your child in this state. It is only illegal if you leave a mark, or if you're doing something cruel and unusual. Some experts say that spanking children only teaches them to fear you. I was spanked as a child and I never feared my parents for spanking me. I have an aunt who was spanked 1 time as a child. Yes, once. After that 1 spank, she never wanted to get another one and made sure she behaved good so she didn't.

I could go on and on, but I am no expert. I've tried many different ways of punishing a child, but I still maintain that the occasional spank, as long as it's not over the top, along with time outs, and other things, is the best way to raise a child.

lou said...

Hi Darlene, spanking is a no-no in our family and it should not be an option to discipline a child- ever. I respect your opinion and every parent have different ways in how they discipline their child. My son is now 8 years old and he's such a good kid that maybe I couldn't forgive myself if I ever hit him or spanked him. My husband and I TALK to him if he did something wrong. That's all we do. And as parents we should remember that kids make mistakes just like adults. They go through certain stages in their life like learning how to use the potty and stuff like that. It will come naturally you know. We should always be there to guide them and give them room and time to learn it.

All the best to you.

abelle | Only in Silence said...

Hello there, Utah Mom!

First, I am also a Filipina, and I live in the Philippines.

Second, I respect your view about this.

And third, to answer your question: no, I don't spank/hit my child. And I don't believe that it makes any sense. For me and my husband, it's a big no. Our child is already 10 years old, and we are proud to say that he grew up as a loving and sweet boy. If he makes mistakes, we punish him with things like:

1. no TV tonight
2. no playing of PlayStation
3. no playing outside this weekend

That is how we discipline him. He gets grounded for his mistakes.

Also, we give him bonuses when he achieves something. Like when he won 3rd place in the Chess Tournament at school, when his team got a place in the basketball league (also at school), when he gets high grades.

We don't want him to grow up believing that spanking or hitting his children is a way of discipline because he grew up that way too.

When I was young, I was also spanked when I committed mistakes so I know how painful it is, physically and emotionally. For me, if it hurts your hand and your heart, why would you do it to your child? That was why I swear not to do the same to my kids when I have a family of my own. And I am lucky that my husband thinks the same too.

Happy blogging! ;o)

desperateblogger said...

the Bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child".. meaning the Bible is in favor with spanking.

the problem with spanking is you'll never really know if your spanking is soft enough or too hard. another problem is, if a child irritates a parent and the parent retaliates by spanking, who knows what could happen?

it's really a matter of balancing your act to in disciplining a child.

Utah Mommy said...

Thank you so much everyone for sharing your thoughts. I would like to tell you all that what is Desperate Blogger said was the one i am getting at. It's all about balancing on how you discipline you child, if spanking is necessary.

Of course we all love our children and we don't want them to be harmed. But, i would rather spank with my open hand than to get hurt much worse for not minding me.

My son gets spank very very seldom. Because he is a smart boy, i am not bragging i am just telling the truth here. He is quite advanced to his age. I spank him if he is getting over the limit but like what i said it is very seldom.

Ritchiela Anyi said...

Darl I also lay hands on Shiela when it's too much already.But I realized that what I do doesn't help.She usually copy what I do and she spanked me many times when she's angry.It feels like I am not respected when spanked because I am the mother,so as Shiela,I guess.Mao na usahay ako nalang ingon nga angry ko so makasabot ra man pod.

Ako gid unta ni andamam ug stick ba para pamunal haha.Take care you sexy Mom!

Bobby said...

I hit my daughter once when she was acting like a little brat. That was the first time and swore to God it will be the last. I hit her with an open palm to her left arm and then she cried terribly. She cried not because of pain but because of fear. She was looking straight at me with her teary eyes while I was explaining why I got angry and hit her. She then gave me a hug while still crying. This made me realize my action. I recall the events and put myself in her shoes. I try to picture myself getting angry. Most probably I look like a fire breathing monster that came out from the gates of hell. I have never seen anybody who is angry and about to hit their child wearing a smile. Hitting didn't made my daughter cry, it's the manner on how I hit her. Doing this often will just leave a traumatic experience to your child. They will fear you but will not gain their respect in return.
Oh Geez! I'm sorry, I never thought my comment will be this long.

Thank you
Make Homemade Fragrances

The Fitness Diva said...

I think that you should raise your child the way you see fit.
Spanking has it's place, and for some, this is a good way to go.

I got spanked as a child, and I actually appreciate and am thankful for the discipline that my parents worked so hard to teach me.
I was a hard headed, stubborn little girl, and they managed to raise me up to be the successful, poised, intelligent person that I am today. Because of my parents i am polite, have manners, know how to behave in public and in all social situations, and know what's proper and what's not.
I am a lady, and can sit at anyone's table (I have even dined with royalty once...but that's a long story!) and know that I represent myself and my family well. That's important, and it's what everyone should strive for in their kids.

You see too many kids out here nowadays that have NO home training at all, and when they're out in society they are out of control like animals.
If your son needs a spank now and then, then that's what he needs.
Guess what...time outs don't work for all kids. Spanking is good as long as you explain and tell the child why they are getting spanked.
People nowadays have become too loose with the discipline of their kids.
I admire how dedicated a Mom you are...I read your posts sometimes, and it's obvious that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt your child.
Keep doing exactly what you are doing! I think you have it right!:)

Merydith said...

Darl I am one of the few who are only spanked once in my entire life. I didn't feel bad because it hurt (he gave me 3 open slaps on my rear end), I felt bad because I hurt my Papa. I don't even know what I did then all I know was I disappointed him and since then I never tried disobeying him ever again. I came from a very close family and that is something I don't want to change. I liked how my father used to pull me out of my siblings and talk about what I did. He ask, I explain and later we hug (he used to tell me, ok give me a hug) then we eat dinner together like nothing happened. If I haven't been spanked that one time maybe I will never appreciate how important my parent's feelings is. It also goes to all my siblings. I think we all turned out pretty good. All finished college and I know that they are both so proud of us. I also used the same technique when I was teaching. My students were so good because they didn't want to break the classroom relationship we had going. There are times when you just need to but that is when they are able to understand but I don't agree with every little mistake bunal nalang sad dayon. You are a mother and you know it in your heart what is right or wrong.

Shabem® said...

With the situation sa ato economy now daghan baya companies ga cut corners. So hope maka find ka job in case di na nimo ma meet imo goal na income through blogging.
Good luck!